Review # 53: MY photo on review # 49

I just realised how suggestive that photo is! Oh my stars and garters, how freudian! It's so funny now that I'm not going to change it at all.

Review # 52: Doing laundry

It's time consuming and inconvenient, but the payoff is nice. I'm all out of clean clothes and get to look forward to doing some tomorrow. I have to find quarters and shit.

Review #51: Interactive Male phone ads

One of my earliest reviews was for the phone sex ads they show on network tv, and I rated them rather well. However, the one exeption are the ones aimed at me. Honestly the thought of touching one of these guys makes me want to ralph, blow chunks, hurl. I'm wierd, I guess.

Review #50: Ben and Jerry's Chubby Hubby ice cream

I was on the phone with my friend/loyal blog reader Landon when I tasted this ice cream for the first time. I don't think he's tried it, but I described it to him: fudge covered peanut butter filled pretzels in vanilla malt ice cream with fudge and peanut butter. This promted a dicussion about how the ice cream is like a society with the pretzels being the dominant oppressors, the fude covering it and peanutbutter filling it were the working class, and the free flowing fudge and peanut butter were the traveling transients we all got used to in Arcata, CA. It tastes fucking fantastic, but not as good as democracy.

Review # 49: My gold tooth

I dig this thing. It's farther back, so it's subtle but I can still rock it. Even with insurance it cost me a pretty penny and I haven't made one payment yet. ouch... And like everyone says, if I ever need money I can pawn it. hardy har har.

Review # 48: Soul music collection infomercials

This has been playing while I've been typing, and I have to say you get the best clips of some fucking wonderful songs. Good...you get to hear a lot. Bad....you have to listen to sales pitches, and you don't get the whole songs. in fact you get about 10 seconds of each. I'll keep it on in the back ground, but I know I can download all these songs for free, so I won't buy them...HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Review # 47: Drinking and typing...

...can be very difficult. among other things....

Review #46: Flash:The fastest man alive #1

ok, this is a post-post crisis deal, so it requires some backstory and never being a big Flash reader, I'm not sure I can do it. But I'll try: The original flash, Jay Garrick is the only metahuman Flash. After that there was Barry Allen, who sacrificed himself in the original Crisis, then Wally West, former Kid Flash, then Barry's son from the future, Bart Allen who, up unitl the last Infinite Crisis, was the new Kid Flash. With the exception of Garrick the other Flashes had to tap into something called the "Speed force". During the last Crisis Garrick, West and Bart Allen grabbed the psychotic Superboy Prime and pulled him into the speed force. This action was seemingly sacrificial, but necessary to save, you know, existence. The result: The speed force is gone, Wally West is dead, and Bart Allen, 16 yrs old before, has aged four years becoming an adult. He had similar problems in his youth, aging years within hours before learning to control the effect the speed force had on him. So now, one year later, Bart is adjusting to his new, normal life. The folks at S.T.A.R. Labs are concerned because he has cut off communication with them so they can't figure out what happened to the speed force. He's just trying to deal. He has a job ( I think he's a scab) at the motor works with a douchebag roommate who wants him to get wasted and laid. Now keep in mind this seeming 20 yr old is, in real time, about 10. I could relate to this part pretty well because Bart has no idea how to approach women. I don't want to approach WOMEN, but you know what I mean. I'm 25 now and I'm about at the same level a lot of my friends were at at, like, 15. I'm working on it... Now, one of the striking workers at the plant makes some big explosion or something. The artwork isn't very good and it's kind of difficult to tell what's going on. Bart's douchebag roommate gets caught up in it and needs rescuing. So, oddly enough, Bart somehow taps into the speedforce and barley saves him. At this point Jay Garrick, the O.G. Flash, comes in and takes over, but Bart's a little worse for wear. How did he tap into the nonexistent speed force? He ends the issue by saying: "The speed force must never be tapped again. NEVER. I'm not going to let it kill me." So what's the deal? I have no idea. Like I said, the artwork isn't very good and the writing is sub-par. The story, however might be worthwhile for someone like me who likes to keep tabs on the big guns, even if I don't read the title religiously. I'll get the next few issues to see what happens.

Review #45: Sonny, the bird on the Cocoa Puffs box

When I took over the cereal ordering duties at my work I began to noitce that all of the cartoon character's faces on the kids cereals look not only insane and evil, but thay are al feinding for whatever cereal it is. Case in point: Cocoa Puffs. At the time I took over cereal, the box had the bird on it, his eyes bulging out, motion lines indicating he was shaking, and there was even sweat flying off of his face. Now from what I've heard, these are some clear signs of withdrawl. I thought "You couldn't make him look more crack addicted if you tried." I was proven wrong. A short while later, the new package design came out. Motion lines? yes. Bulging eyes? yes. Sweat? yes. Only this time he actually has rings around his pupils and he's shaking more violently. It freaks me out what these people are doing to the kids, and I hate kids.

review # 44:This rubber monkey I found

Damn, this thing is awesome. It's a rubbery purple monkey. It used to have suction cups on it's hands and legs, but they don't work anymore. He's still fun to bounce around. I don't know where he came from, I think a little kid must have left it at my job. Finder's keepers.

Review # 43: Track of the Moonbeast

This is a cheap horror movie that I got on a DVD that had three cheap horror movies on it. Track of the Moonbeast is, so far, the only one I have been able to watch, and I’ve had the thing for over two years now. It’s the story of an archeologist who gets smacked in the head with a meteorite and becomes this reptilian monster. Sounds cool, doesn’t it? It’s not. He has this relationship with a blonde bombshell reporter who’s doing a piece on Navajo Indians. Naturally the acting is bad, but this woman is actually good in her horriblness. When she notices that her boyfriend’s gila monster is missing she gives a start like I’ve never seen. I want to say that the reptilian monster looks really cool, but you never really see it very well.I was also going to say that this movie is totally Mystery Science Theater 3000 fodder, and as you can see by the image that I found, I was right

Review #42:Seagram's Gin

It's a lot cheaper than Bombay, and it got me drunk. But not real drunk

Review # 41: Lawnmower Man

Dude, this movie was dumb. It was the usual formula of technology gone awry and in its day it may have been a little more fantastic. Now, however, technology in everyday life has progressed beyond an idealistic, and therefore impossible, view of virtual reality, and it all seems really stupid. I mean, if virtual reality is in actuality a new dimension, who's programming it? Perhaps it's a dimension composed of binary code the way ours is composed of protons and electrons...But who conceived the binary code? Argh! Plus Jeff Fahey just creeps me out with those big eyes...yikes. Also, I remembered that the kid from My Girl 2 was in the sequel from when the commercials were on TV, but I didn't realize he was in this one, too. Not relevant at all. oh, and I hate Peirce Brosnan.

Review # 40: My Meatballs (tee hee hee)

I decided to make meatballs last night, but the last time I made them I was at home with the Joy of Cooking at hand. This time, however, I was at work and had to kind of guess at what I needed. Some things I forgot went into them were eggs and bread, so thank God I still had these things from when I had planned to make egg salad earlier in the day. I mixed the bread, egg, ground beef and some Worcestershire sauce in a bowl then formed the balls. They seemed more…wet than when I had made them before. I remained undaunted. I boiled them in plain old water. I should’ve used broth or vegetable stock. I’ve used instant onion soup before and that turned out okay. I actually threw some Wyler’s bouillon crystals in this time, but it made no difference. All in all they came out okay. I cooked them longer than the book said in addition to throwing out most of the recipe and doing it by ear. They were kind of bland, but I threw them into some roasted pepper and tomato soup. It was pretty good, but I felt sick while eating them. Probably because I was watching Lawnmower Man.

Review #39:Liquid Charge alchoholic energy drink

For some insane reason I feel the need to try every new energy drink that comes out at least once. So when they started making them alchoholic, well, woo-hoo! I saw a new one today and went for it. I was gearing up to play music in front of a bunch of hipsters at my friend Garret's house. He and his housmates always put on shows and we (me, Garrett, Jake and whoever else wants to) usually end up piggy-backing the bill and going on last to clear the place out. I was also recovering from an entire day of drinking that I got under my belt yesterday, so I needed a little pick-me-up. Well, first of all it was gross. I know that might be a bit redundant considering I'm talking about energy drinks, but I digress...I also felt no charge, liquid or otherwise. In fact I think it made me more tired. So I had about five PAcificos and, after declining the first round, had some hits of pot. This didn't perk me up or anything, but it did get me more in the mood to play music. We were awful. It was a night of noise bands, so we did what we do best...made noise. Next time I think I'll stick with old reliable...Sparx 7.0%.

Review # 38: Paraphrased review of "the DaVinci Code"

MY roomie Stephanie saw this movie. I haven't and I also haven't read the book. But she said: "It was cool whan Magneto and Amalie were solving stuff, but then Forrest Gump came along and ruined it. He's like a black hole of acting." Again, this is paraphrased, but I thought it was poetic and brilliant.

Review # 37: Gay Pride

Again, I didn't like what I wrote here before, so I made it dissapear. I like having god-like options. 6-16-06

review#36: Champaign and orange juice

la de da de da de da....Im almost done with the bottle....both bottles...i like the earth.

review #35: History Channel's True Crime Authors: Helter Skelter and Vincent Bugliosi

Note: If you thought there was a review of pot here before, you were probably high. I find serial killers interesting. Perhaps it’s because they are a factor that is just randomly floating about the world. Odds are, you and I WON’T be killed by a serial killer, but the fact that it is a real possibility, just like getting in a car crash, is intriguing. So I watched this History Channel show I got from the library about Vincent Bugliosi, the prosecutor in the Charles Manson case and author of Helter Skelter, the true crime book about the murders. The show was only an hour long so I didn’t expect it to get too in-depth which it didn’t, but it touched on all the important aspects and interested me enough to see the movie Helter Skelter. If I wasn’t so lazy I’d say I’d read the book, but… There were some real photos of the crimes which I think were made a bit fuzzy to hide the gore, and some re-enacted photos that were seemingly historically accurate. The actors in some dramatic re-enactments were funny, especially Charlie on acid. If I had cable I would probably watch this show, which showcases different true crime writers, if nothing else was on.